growing up.

"People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened."

I'm a sophomore in college. When did THAT happen? I'm also twenty years old. Wait.. what?

Growing up is hard. It's fun, of course. also challenging. It involves change, something that I've never been so great at adjusting to. In fact, I hate change. Forget coming to college.. I can't even stand it when facebook changes. It takes me a while to get my bearings. (my mom always plays a huge factor in readjusting!) Once I got it, I got it. Mostly though, I hate the fact that most everything and everybody always changes whenever they enter a new phase in life. Sometimes, I just get stuck in the old.

This summer, I survived many changes. Wait, no, not survived, because the fact is that this summer was amazing. Amazing in the sense that I was pushed and challenged, encountered new experiences, met people who simply take life as it comes, gained confidence, and spent quality time with the people I love.

Pushed and challenged, check. Let's just say that I probably have never been so stressed in my life. Trust me, I could talk to you all day about it. I woke up before the crack of dawn everyday. I took a CNA class for most of the summer. I went into it thinking that's about all I'd have to do.. show up and take a test and clean poopy diapers. no, kate you were very wrong. Turns out it wasn't a breeze, it was actually very difficult. I seriously wanted to give my teachers a piece of my mind everyday.. the amount of stress they put on us made the tears come very, very easily.

But.. I passed. so check.

I started the summer thinking I would have no job. I HATE feeling that you could be doing something better with your time then just sitting around watching the kardashians cuss each other out. (: Ended up that I got TWO jobs. I worked for my dad doing marketing stuff.. you know, like the fun stuff.. entering in numbers into the computer, shipping stuff out, making price tags for products, sitting at a desk from 8-5. ha ha. But I really did end up liking it. I got to know alot of fun people, and it truly gave me a boost of confidence.

Probably not as much as my other job though.

"Hey, how are you guys doing tonight? What can I get you to drink?" I said this alot over the course of the summer. I ended up working at applebee's. I'm not going to lie, I absolutely HATED it at first. Day one of training, I seriously thought about how I was going to tell them that I wasn't coming back. The people there were crazy. Literally. I've never ever in my life been around those kind of people. I ended up loving it. Yes, it pushed me and yes, it was a challenge everyday to stand up for Christ in a place where not many people knew Him. Yes, I was influenced by my co-workers and I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I heard the f-bomb. But in a weird sense, it was refreshing. I can't even describe it.. It was crazy and most every time I worked, I was there for almost 8 hours (back to back with another 8 hour shift) but I loved it. It was so refreshing to be around people that I'm not usually friends with. They were all like a breath of fresh air. It was just.. fun. I felt completely myself and I felt completely confident. It did take a while to get to that point, but I began to enjoy work. If I'm honest, I think I liked the fact that I was myself completely and that people just liked me. I didn't have to pretend to be anyone different. I was just me, and I had fun with people. It felt real. I gained confidence.. something that doesn't come too easily for me. I feel like even though it was a challenge, I needed it. I needed something new.

The time I spent with my family and friends this summer was much needed. Yes, mainly all I did at my house was just crash for the night, but I was able to grow closer to people. Especially my best friend Lucy. We had us a good summer. sleepovers, john mayer concert, laughing, crazy stories, and just really being there for each other. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I miss her so so much now.

Coming back to Wilmington was an adjustment. I love it here, I really do, but at first it was almost like I was holding onto my summer in Raleigh. I thought that the first time I went back to visit it would be completely the same.. but, like always things change. I hate hate hate hate (did I say hate?) the fact that people forget you. Maybe not so much in the technical sense, but I hate the fact that people fall out of touch with one another. I've tried and so have they to stay in contact with me, but it's just not the same. And you know me and change. I wish some things, not all things, just stayed the way they were. I guess that's all a part of growing up.

So here I am today. Learning, being challenged, comforted, starting again, growing up.

Its hard, but at the same time, its been one of the best times of my life.

I wouldn't trade a second of it.

But in order for this to continue, I have to make some changes. I am twenty. I want to feel it. Yes sometimes I get stuck back in the past, but now I want to move forward. Not everything is served the way I want it, but that doesn't mean something else could be better. I want to be everything I know I can be. I want to make the most of the time I have now.

So there. There's what's been happening in my life.

Since I started with a quote, I'll just leave you with this wise quote from greys anatomy.

"Change. We don't like it. We fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying, but here's the truth sometimes the more things change the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is everything."

love.