when you least expect it..

reality can hit you in the face. it can make you believe things about yourself, even lies. you see the world and automatically you begin to compare yourself to the people around you. you feel better than someone or you feel insignificant compared to someone else. in those moments when you believe the lies that the world is feeding you, everything else in your life seems to take a backseat to that one thing that you are focused on. that one possession, that one friend, that one person whom you feel will make everything better. everything right. and suddenly, you make yourself believe that you have to have it, that you can't be happy without it, that you can't be everything you know you can be without it. it seems that in the instant that you focused your attention on that "thing," you instantly began to focus on yourself. if i'm honest, i've found myself there many times in the last few months. things i say i must have to be happy.. and if i'm honest, this morning, as i sat on the second row in my church and began to zone out my pastor, reality hit me. in a moment where my attention had begun to turn to myself, my pastor said this, "We aren't here to have a better life. We are here to glorify Jesus." and then truth hit me. if i know for a fact that my spiritual wellbeing is not dependent on others, why is my physical wellbeing. why am i stacking myself against others, and why am i viewing myself through the eyes of men? i've desired things that i haven't gotten. and tonight i realized something.. all i do is want want want, and i want it all right now. if i say i trust in the Lord, i must trust his plans for my life. He knows the plans He has for me. why am i so anxious to have them all now? i must wait and see. i'm so glad this reality hit me tonight.