mixed emotions.

The title says it all. so many mixed emotions right now. Let me just say that this year has been one of the best years of my life. It has been so much fun and just a year of growth in my walk with the Lord and in my life personally. I am forever thankful for the friends I'm made, the "growing up" I've done, and for the blessing of being able to attend such a great university like UNC-W. This weekend truly was a final hoorah for me. Constant fun with friends, especially the people in my dorm. I will miss all of my international friends; I have simply loved getting to know them better and to hear about their countries and homes.

Can't believe I'm about to become a sophomore. So much to look forward to for next year! I am going to be a Bible study leader which I am incredibly stoked about, and I am living with 3 of my closest friends! However, I'm not as excited about my schedule next semester- 2 science courses with 3 labs per week. ahh. but, i. will. survive. (:

As I am filled with joy at the experiences I've had this year and the fun times with friends and family, I am nervous about this summer. I want God to use me wherever He desires, but it's hard when you don't know what the outcome will be! I'm taking a CNA class for half of the summer, and I will also be working. plus side: I hear this class will help you decide if you really want to do nursing. downside: I have to get up at 5:30 two days a week, and I'm not sure where I'll be working yet. It has been hard not knowing exactly what I'll be doing, because alot of my friends are getting to go overseas on missions trips. I'm so so excited for them, but deep down if I'm honest, I want the chance to see God do something cool in my life this summer. But hey, the summer hasn't even begun. I know I have to wait and see what God has in store. I know it will be awesome. So much to do, so much to look forward to, so much to experience..I just want to be content where God puts me. No matter what friends have around me, or no matter if I have 1 friend or 100, I want to be firm in my faith and really trust the Lord and be satisfied in Him. Friends will fail, I will fail, family will fail, yet Jesus remains faithful. I want to be faithful this summer with what I'm given. Any nervousness, anxiety, greed, jealously, or worry that I hold onto--I want to let it go and rest in the Lord. so easy to say, yet so hard to do. Needless to say, I'm excited to be with the people I love and grow closer to others I don't know as well.

I'll be praying that each of you all's summer is filled with fun, excitement, fulfillment in Christ, happiness, and sunshine! Wherever you go, I would encourage you, as well as myself, to put your life in God hands in see Him work! He's faithful!

xoxo, kate

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope."

-Psalm 130:5

uncw.

i love unc-wilmington. i have to admit, i was a tad hesitant about coming back for 2nd semester. such a good christmas break...and i didn't want to leave my family and close friends. yet this week has been awesome. moments of prayer and fellowship with great Godly girls, moments of laughter and pure fun, and the comfort of being in each others presence has been nothing short of amazing. i have realized so often this week the blessings God pours into my life, even though i do not deserve them one bit. it is so much more rewarding and fulfilling to strive after Christ then to live for oneself- something i need to remember more often.

so this weekend has been fun. roller skating, birthday dinners, girls night out, my best friend coming to stay with me...lets just say its been awesome.

so all in all, i really love unc-wilmington. end of story.

reflections, not resolutions.

well hey there, everyone. it sure has been a while. i feel like there is so much to cover that has happened to me in the past few months; i'll try to sum it up, but if i ramble, i'm truly sorry. when i feel like writing, which is not often, i tend to get very detailed. so sorry in advance.

okay, here we go.

i survived my first semester in college. no, survived isn't the right word. at all. because you see, i love unc wilmington and everything that college involves. i didn't just survive it; i had such an amazing first couple of months. yes the first week scared the heck out of me, but God truly provided amazing Christian friends in my life to encourage me in my faith, to walk beside me, and to share special, unforgettable moments with.

[some highlights of first semester]

-sarah cox and whitney sprinkle. i don't know what i would do without them. they are such blessings to me.

-getting to know hayley kerr, nicki tschudi, madison wolf, katie worley, christina cramer, and chelsey glover better. they are such wonderful people.

-crusade and the wonderful people that i have met through that.

-bible study. bible study ladies. bible study leaders. friends of the bible study leaders.

-the beach. what better place to study? oh wait. i just lay out :]

-my relationship with Jesus Christ, first and foremost. i have grown more closer than ever to the Lord through my time in college thus far. He never ever ever ceases to amaze me.

-the God given ability to work hard in school and enjoy the benefits of good grades. AND the wonderful blessing of Leah Mayo, the most amazing grad student who helped me pass chemistry! I am indebted to her forever.

-the constant love and support of the most amazing family in this world. i can not even begin to count all of the letters I have received from the people who love me most in this world.

-the friendships with Tori Milioni & Lucy Moore. my best friends. my support group. my shoulders to cry on. I love you both.

-increased confidence in myself, in who I am in Christ, and in my faith.

-a wonderful roommate. i have to admit, i didn't know what to expect, but she is one of the nicest people in this world, and i am blessed!

-ohhh, how could i forget. I MET NAPOLEON DYNAMITE! IN AN AIRPORT! IN GREENSBORO! soo awesome.

sorry i'm saying blessed so much, but i just can't describe it any other way. i hope that gave you a small insight into my life these past few months.

life is not easy. its not always beautiful. its not a thing that is laid out for you, with maps everywhere to point you where to go or what to do next. its difficult. and at times, you don't even know what to begin to do next. but i will tell you one thing..as challenging as it may be, its only exciting, and enjoyable, and fulfilling if it is life centered on Jesus Christ. I am going through a book called "Crazy Love" and i have not even gotten past the first chapter & I am already beginning to see God in a new way. Often, I feel so complacent with they way I see God. I see Him as my Father who loves me no matter what. Often, that's my way of justifying sin. "..oh God will love me even if i do this...He'll forgive me." not right one bit. God, who created the galaxies and every living thing on this earth, loves me with a CRAZY love. He wants a relationship with me. The old is in the past. He desires me. Yet I continue to seek love in all the wrong places. He wants me. what am i going to do? passionately follow Christ or simply sit back and be complacent with life? i want to love God with a crazy love, just as He loves me. its so worth it, yet so hard to give up the things you think you want the most in this life. but HE is what matters. i hope i can fully grasp that some day.

sorry for all the scattered thoughts, but don't say i didn't warn you.

do you know when you have one thing on your mind constantly, and no matter what you do or say, it just won't go away? well, i do. i have been praying and trying and wishing that it would go away, but honestly it hasn't. some may call me crazy but i guess i really don't care. its how i feel, and i can't help that. my desires are strong, and no matter how much i try to shake them, they won't go away. i just wish i had the courage to tell people how i feel. you only get one go around in life..why not jump at chances? i've tried to reason in my mind, i've tried to ignore the hurt, but you see, i can't let it go. its been with me for so long..its kinda hard to just let it go, give it up, move on.

i guess i could try. or maybe i could just take a chance. hmm.

this is so long. i'm sorry. like i said, i had a lot to cover.

i think i may sign off for now. so much is running through my head, but i'm just going to keep it there. maybe save it for later.

i'm just going to leave you with a few quotes i really enjoyed this past year. ah 2010 is almost here. so many things i hope to accomplish in the new year. its a fresh start. a new beginning. a chance to be different. to be better. i hope.

"Never give up what you want most for what you want now." -unknown [i saw this in randall library]

"all of my life, in every season, You are still God; i have a reason to sing. i have a reason to worship." -hillsong

"my feet are stuck here against the pavement, i wanna break free i wanna make it closer to your eyes,get your attention before you pass me by" -colbie caillat

"Nothing is better than something, cause I'm waiting for the real thing."

"then you come crashing in, like the realest thing; trying my best to understand all that your love can bring.." -john mayer

"i delight myself in the richest of fair, trading all that i've had for all that is better" -shane & shane

"Sin has lost it's power, death has lost it's sting; from the grave you've risen VICTORIOUSLY!" -charlie hall

"so we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes; if His grace is an ocean we're all sinking" -david crowder

"incomparable, unchangeable, You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same; You are amazing God." -chris tomlin

"You gave what the world couldn't offer us." -hillsong

"i've got a tight grip on reality, but i can't let go of what's in front of me here" -paramore

"Everything You are to me is everything i'll ever need"

"sometimes i grow weary, from goin' all the time. i love to take a minute, let you ease my mind. oh Carolina, ya keep callin me home, callin me home" -eric church

"do you remember the way you looked at me back then; two hungry eyes wrapped up in a smile so innocent" -corey smith

"God can do whatever He wants to do, however He wants to do it. And He chooses to work in our lives because He loves us, because He's good. Hope today's a milestone for what He can do for the rest of you life if you trust Him." -facing the giants

thats all. i hope your 2009 was wonderful. lets seek Christ in 2010. love to you all.

kate.

blessings.

the Lord is truly gracious to me. so often, the sin of pride plagues my life. i just get so wrapped up into my life. my time. my worth. my friends. my struggles. my happiness. me. me. me. yet God is still gracious. so often, i rely on happiness apart from joy. if i am not happy, i feel all twisted inside. what happened to the simple pleasures of just basking in the joy of the Lord. where did i take a wrong turn. i say all i need in this life is Jesus. i fail at perfection. i fail at living a life worthy of Jesus Christ. yet God is still gracious. God still continues to bless with with more than i could ever ask. he sees me as righteous all because of Jesus. i come to him with sin and struggles and he comes to me with more love than most people feel in a lifetime. so often, i fail at being a Christian. God never fails as being sovereign. he lavishes perfect love on me that never lets go. he empties me to fill me back up again. he is jealous for me. he desires my life to be one hundred percent sold out to him. i fail. He is still God. grace given. grace received. how is it that i have so much trouble giving it out. He blesses me. I should want to do the same for others. how is it so hard?

aquafina & 3 musketeers.

i'm sitting in the computer room. i got my one card with me and my water and empty candy bar wrapper. i went on a run earlier. took a hot shower. lets just say i'm pretty content. not so much earlier though. today was a hard day to leave raleigh. i got my family there and i left some of my best friends behind. it was a good weekend though. [recap] friday: reunited with sarah and ashley and saw "couples retreat." vince vaughn is my new favorite actor. saturday: slept innn:) and hung out around the house, and then went to yui & cooda's engagement party. that night i went to lucy's and reunited with her! okay sunday: church, gym, talks with my family, got my bridesmaid dress for yui's wedding, and drove back to wilmington. like i said, hard day to leave raleigh city limits. okay so do you ever just really want something like really bad. like it hurts if you can't have it. yeh i'm in that boat. its in raleigh. here's the thing. i don't want to look back at my first semester of college and say, "why the heck did i spend so much time thinking about that?!" i wanna move on and enjoy college and live here in wilmington with a passion for life!
right when i pulled into wilmy, my heart wasn't here. but God, like He does consistantly in my life, gave me some suprises to hold onto. i had a good chill time with my roommate, and let me just tell you, it was SO good to see whitney sprinke. dang i love her. we ran all the way to the library and saw sarah and joelle! scared sarah, made plans for the weekend, talked about the fair, made plans for the beach tomorrow, and just laughed. it refreshed me. it made me excited about being here in wilmington. it made me forget about all my troubles and foolish desires. it made me ENJOY life. that's what i'm gunna do from now on. enjoy life. life's too short to do anything else.

grace greater than all my sin.

most people seem to be happy. i'm a happy person. i love my life. no, not every aspect because of course i have regrets and things that i desire to change, but all-in-all, i'm a pretty happy girl. yet here's the thing. so often i find myself looking for more. something else. something new. complete contentment. happiness. God has blessed me in so many ways. He is incredible. He has given me everything i need at the moments when i need them. He has given me amazing, amazing new friends at uncw that have encouraged me in my faith and other areas of my life. He has given me an amazing family that I would not trade for the world. He has given me grace, when i feel like i am sinking in regrets. He has given me joy. yet why do i find myself always wanting something else. maybe its just the human thing to do. maybe everyone is constantly wanting more. I have EVERYTHING i need because i have Christ. friends may fail me and my family may desert me, but if the only One i had was Jesus, it would be more than enough. He can satisfy my desires; He is the one place where true joy and rest is found. i guess i'm only human. but i want to find no excuse in that. i am human, but i am a Christ-follower. set apart. forgiven. a new creation. i, kate dillon, am a new creation. my old life is gone. the new has come. in that, i can find true contentment.

routines.

i've been in college for 3 weeks now. well almost. i should be in a daily routine by now, shouldn't i? when i first came to college, the newness of it and the changes happening in my life were constantly on my mind. i was so overwhelmed with getting adjusted and plugging in to the right organizations and making friends that i kind of just did whatever everyone else was doing. (i'm not talking about drinkin or partying or anything p.s.) but now that i'm established here and the newness is wearing off and i'm am beginning to love it more and more everyday, i feel like i need to start focusing on my classes and the things that I want to do. like the gym. and bible study. and crusade. and studying. you know? i guess once i start to buckle down and focus, the rest will fall into place. (my mom said that..isn't she so wise??) that's all.

p.s. i had a lucky charms rice crispy treat today at wag. SO good.