blessings.

the Lord is truly gracious to me. so often, the sin of pride plagues my life. i just get so wrapped up into my life. my time. my worth. my friends. my struggles. my happiness. me. me. me. yet God is still gracious. so often, i rely on happiness apart from joy. if i am not happy, i feel all twisted inside. what happened to the simple pleasures of just basking in the joy of the Lord. where did i take a wrong turn. i say all i need in this life is Jesus. i fail at perfection. i fail at living a life worthy of Jesus Christ. yet God is still gracious. God still continues to bless with with more than i could ever ask. he sees me as righteous all because of Jesus. i come to him with sin and struggles and he comes to me with more love than most people feel in a lifetime. so often, i fail at being a Christian. God never fails as being sovereign. he lavishes perfect love on me that never lets go. he empties me to fill me back up again. he is jealous for me. he desires my life to be one hundred percent sold out to him. i fail. He is still God. grace given. grace received. how is it that i have so much trouble giving it out. He blesses me. I should want to do the same for others. how is it so hard?

aquafina & 3 musketeers.

i'm sitting in the computer room. i got my one card with me and my water and empty candy bar wrapper. i went on a run earlier. took a hot shower. lets just say i'm pretty content. not so much earlier though. today was a hard day to leave raleigh. i got my family there and i left some of my best friends behind. it was a good weekend though. [recap] friday: reunited with sarah and ashley and saw "couples retreat." vince vaughn is my new favorite actor. saturday: slept innn:) and hung out around the house, and then went to yui & cooda's engagement party. that night i went to lucy's and reunited with her! okay sunday: church, gym, talks with my family, got my bridesmaid dress for yui's wedding, and drove back to wilmington. like i said, hard day to leave raleigh city limits. okay so do you ever just really want something like really bad. like it hurts if you can't have it. yeh i'm in that boat. its in raleigh. here's the thing. i don't want to look back at my first semester of college and say, "why the heck did i spend so much time thinking about that?!" i wanna move on and enjoy college and live here in wilmington with a passion for life!
right when i pulled into wilmy, my heart wasn't here. but God, like He does consistantly in my life, gave me some suprises to hold onto. i had a good chill time with my roommate, and let me just tell you, it was SO good to see whitney sprinke. dang i love her. we ran all the way to the library and saw sarah and joelle! scared sarah, made plans for the weekend, talked about the fair, made plans for the beach tomorrow, and just laughed. it refreshed me. it made me excited about being here in wilmington. it made me forget about all my troubles and foolish desires. it made me ENJOY life. that's what i'm gunna do from now on. enjoy life. life's too short to do anything else.